A Concise Guide to Caring for an Elderly Parent

Free download. Book file PDF easily for everyone and every device. You can download and read online A Concise Guide to Caring for an Elderly Parent file PDF Book only if you are registered here. And also you can download or read online all Book PDF file that related with A Concise Guide to Caring for an Elderly Parent book. Happy reading A Concise Guide to Caring for an Elderly Parent Bookeveryone. Download file Free Book PDF A Concise Guide to Caring for an Elderly Parent at Complete PDF Library. This Book have some digital formats such us :paperbook, ebook, kindle, epub, fb2 and another formats. Here is The CompletePDF Book Library. It's free to register here to get Book file PDF A Concise Guide to Caring for an Elderly Parent Pocket Guide.

Grandparents not only feel the pain and distress of their own child's situation but are also concerned about the effects on the grandchildren. As a result of divorce some grandparents, usually paternal, may lose contact with their grandchildren, or what contact they have may be intermittent or tenuous. Grandparents may worry about their grandchildren even before the separation of the parents if they see signs of difficulty in the parents' relationship.

The increase in the number of divorces in Australia and other Western countries means that this concern is quite realistic. Almost half Grandparents may try to help out at the time of the separation as the family tries to adjust to the new circumstances. In most families the family works out contact with the grandparents informally, but at times hostilities exist that make it impossible for the grandparents to see their grandchildren. Some family relationships, especially between grandparents and their own child, become closer in the vulnerable time after separation and divorce.

When this happens they often lose touch with their grandchildren or see them far less often. In the period after the separation and divorce the experience of some grandparents is that they are essential in assisting in the care of the grandchildren as well as providing emotional support.

A small qualitative study of three generations in 44 divorced families in the United Kingdom found that although there was evidence of warm and loving relationships most grandchildren did not want to discuss the separation of their parents with their grandparents Ferguson, a, b. Four grandparent relationship patterns were found:.

An Australia study of contact with grandchildren came from information collected from parents who had divorced several years before Weston, The children were around 13 and 15 years of age. It was found that children living with their mother were more likely to have regular contact with their maternal grandparents than paternal and the reverse was true if they were living with their father. In other words the residency arrangements of the family have the greatest influence on which side of the family has more contact with the grandchildren and becomes more important in their lives.

Total loss of contact with grandparents, however, is rare, although the amount of contact may become less over time. Generally, it is paternal grandparents, more than maternal, that suffer more discontinuity in their relationships with their grandchildren after the disruption of divorce. Some grandparents who continue to have a close relationship with their grandchildren after the divorce of the parents may have a second disruption and period of adjustment when one or both of the parents repartner or remarry Ochiltree, Grandparents may find themselves step-grandparenting and having to adjust to step-grandchildren who they have not known since birth and who may have been accustomed to different family rules and conventions and who also have other grandparents who are part of another extended family.

Grandparents in these circumstances sometimes have unrealistic expectations that they will love these children, when it is more realistic to build a relationship that is based more on friendship. The most important thing for those who have contact with grandparents is to have some awareness of the role they play and to respect them for what they do.

Some grandparents need more support and information than others. Some simply want to know more about what is available in the community that might benefit them and their grandchildren. Some, but not all, of those in the most difficult circumstances usually those bringing up their grandchildren prefer ongoing support groups, others occasionally want links with other grandparents in the same circumstances perhaps by telephone, some want printed information, while others again prefer verbal information face-to-face. It is the grandparents who are bringing up grandchildren who have the greatest need for precise information about the issues discussed earlier.

There are two major strategies for supporting grandparents. The first is to provide information about issues of interest or concern. The second is to provide practical support where needed. Below is a list of various sources of support and information for grandparents. There is a great deal of information on the internet and this list is just a starting point. Mirabel Foundation www. Grandfamilies: A resource guide for Western Australian grandparents raising grandchildren www. Grandparents caring for grandchildren: Grandparent advisers www.

This is the major source of financial information and support for grandparents. The Centrelink website provides information on what is available, but a face-to-face interview is necessary to assess eligibility. There is also a list of the grandparent organisations in each state, with contact details. Below are some tips for service providers to assist grandparent who spend regular time with their grandchildren:. If grandparents have problems in relation to contact with their grandchildren, put them in contact with the nearest Family Relationship Centre.

They may also find support in a Grandparent Association in their State. Dr Gay Ochiltree was a foundation staff member at the Australian Institute of Family Studies where she worked for 13 years. She is a social researcher and is well known for her research and publications on children and families in the social context. These include Who's bringing up baby, Children in stepfamilies, The effects of child care: Forty years of research and, most recently, Grandparents, grandchildren and the generation in between.

Her areas of interest are children, families, parenting and the community. Copyright information. A summary of developments addressing challenges and directions for the field of marriage and relationship education. An overview about synchronising parenting methods and child characteristics, and ways in which parenting can be attuned to "fit" the child.

It takes account of new policies and legislation, emerging technologies and the current post-compulsory teaching and learning climate. The text encourages reflection of practice throughout, supported by case studies and activities aimed at consolidating and contextualising the information. Lynn has had a variety of roles within initial teacher education ITE including developing and writing the modules that make up the suite of qualifications within ITE in the FE and Skills Sector.

He has over 15 years' teaching experience, having worked overseas and in the UK. She has a wide range of experience supporting and teaching teachers in the lifelong learning sector and has been teaching on Initial Teacher Education programmes since She has worked in compulsory, further and higher education, with the last 15 years focusing on Adult Literacy, Language and Numeracy and teacher education for the FE and Skills Sector. Request inspection Copy. Request e-inspection Copy. The book is clearly laid out with inclusion of activities and case studies to help learners engage with the information within the text.

The book is written with a specific course in mind, thus chapters correlate with particular units of study and advice regarding assessment is directly relevant to those who study for the Award course. It ended up being a sleeping disorder. I figured it out myself by watching him.

He would have episodes of confusion, but they were only when he was waking up. There are other disorders that effect people when they are going to sleep instead of waking up. I urge everyone to look into this with a sleep specialist before assuming they have dementia.

Check out Lewy Body Dementia. They get worse when treated with certain meds. They have REM Slleep issues. My father Inlaw was fine if he received enough sleep. Every time he ended up in the hospital he came home more confused. They were giving him meds strictly forbidden with Lewy Body. We wish someone would have told us about Lewy Body. My father Inlaw could have gotten better treatment if we would have known. Lewy Body Demential patients can be good for months….

He is still like that…confused, verbally abusive, agitated , miserable, attacking everyone in the family, verbally threatening everyone but will not accept it is a health issue it is the rest of us so he will not speak to his doctor about this. He was on pain meds post op and is still on them. I am so worried about him. My mother does not have dementia, however is aged. She would bat crazy after surgery…the anesthesia does this especially to elders.

It took her about two weeks before she returned to normal. It was scary to see. She was paranoid, cried, accused us, and had no memory during the day of her prior behavior. What did you do to get her to normal?. My mother is 90, and got her tooth pulled. Last 3 weeks she is confused, forgetful and acting scary????.. She absolutely normal and cheerful before the tooth extraction …. Hello, I am in a downward spiral. Feb 25, my mother fell at home dislocated her shoulder broke the ball. Her health is so bad COPD and several other things Cyst on the half of pancreas that is left and an abdominal annurisum to name a few.

Short sleep to put her shoulder back in place and hold the break together. Fall in the hospital where she hit her head and received stitches she is now in nursing home rehab, but truthfully will be permanent long term. She has been in NH March 2 it has been a roller coaster ride. Then it is like she comes up out of this hole and does better for a day or two. She has gotten violent with me and dad and the nursing staff. Fighting them scratched me which broke my heart.

But never stay away more than a day or so. She had morphine and anesthesia. Before when she was at home she would nap after dinner then when she would wake up an hour or two later she thought it was the next day. She would get aggiated with dad and could not convenience her it was the same day.

My biggest problem is we know she needs to stay in the home for all safety sake Dad and I both agree, but my brother, his wife and their daughter think differently. She has tried to stab my dad hit him with an iron skillet to name some of the times. I am beating myself up because I know this the right place for her and they are acting like I am a bad daughter.

They never see her and I go every day and dad goes most. She is mean to him and he stays away when she hurts his feelings. Nurses and Doctors just blow me off about the dementia like it is no big deal, but it is. Her mother had dementia brought on by surgeries back to back and morphine too. My mom is following in her foot steps. I guess I am just asking from someone who has been there am I doing the right thing.

Thank you for you help. God bless. I am getting an ulcer from this. My mother had knee replacement and had a horrible time with the meds! They had her on Oxycodone and she turned into HItler—angry, paranoid and violent. Opposite of her personality. Scared me to death—the med was the culprit—the next knee replacement we told them she was allergic to that stuff and she did better—still some trouble from anesthesia, but nowhere near as pad.

We are starting to experience these things with my mom. She had a fall 12 days ago. It does appear that her heath was declining and she was having trouble with walking loss of muscle etc. She was in hospital for 11 days and we got no where. One doctor finally discovered she was on two meds for the same thing and that was a contributor. She has been in rehab for 3 days now — The first day was great.

In and out since then. I realized last night that she has something that sounds like Sundowners. I just cant see her going home — not safely anyway. It is so very difficult! My mother killed herself two yrs ago after years of full body pain, malnutrition, depression, and a childhood full of abuse, but also she started getting weird when it would get dark outside. Sad, paranoid, grumpy. Very hard to deal with.

My mom just had a stroke a few days before Christmas. I am ready to lose my mind. I am having to deal with this alone… God Help Me. Call hospice. Maybe they can support you and give some relief. Their compassion and comfort meds have helped along with my hiring some caretakers for a break for me.

Good luck. Wearing me out quickly. Need to pay for care for my mom or I will go mad or develop an illness soon. I really feel for you right now. I got a break and put her in a private home, big mistake. Nights are bad, she wakes up and thinks I have alligators in my house and last night we had killers in the house. Not sure if the bad dreams are part of sundowners or not but she has mass confusion after dinner.

Right now we are currently waiting for a new memory care to open, sometime in July. Bi hope I can last that long. Good luck to you. You are doing the right thing. Some can be cared for at home, others cannot. If she is being violent, she needs constant care.

You and your dad cannot provide this care without assistance. I am a professional personal caregiver, I assist an elderly gentleman during the night. In the meantime, try bringing her things that she likes to have, snacks, stuffed animals, something soft, we use a machine that plays soft relaxing tones. On the bad nights, it makes a world of a difference. It helps him to relax and then accept the help. Keep your head up and smile. Whole house is exhausted!

I can relate to your comment about family. My daughter always had a special relationship with my mother. Not long after mother dementia was diagnosed my daughter attempted to talk with mom about her day and mom was not at all attentive or behaved as she used to. So, my daughter accused me of being with mom and ruining her relationship with her grandmother for good and wanted to know what I had said to her grandmother.

I said nothing about her to her grandmother. My daughter has not spoken to me since. You are doing the right thing, not just for your mother, but for your Dad and your self. I take care of my Uncle and he gets mean at times. My uncle has Dementia. You have to do the best thing not only for your moms well being, but also for your dad and yourself. Most family members are not around to see what is going on, if they were, they would understand how hard it is. I always tell my patients family when they are concerned about the decision that they made concerning nursing homes to do what you would like to have done for themselves in the same situation, A good nursing home is a positive place for a confused patient.

It provides a regular schedule and activities that are customized for the individual. The staff is familiar with various illnesses…and behaviors and do not take things personally as a family member would. It is important to visit often for both you and your family member. You should take her home. She needs to feel loved, it would help. Hope this helps. We moved my 97 yo mother in with us two years ago. Unfortunately she passed away at 99 2 mos ago. When she first moved in with us she was diagnosed with sundowner syndrome.

She was just fine during the day but around 3 in the afternoon she would get terribly confused, agitated, repeated herself nonstop, was disoriented about where she was etc. Her physicians prescribed Seroquel made it worse , Ativan made it worse , other antipsychotics and antidepressants did NOT help and even Haldol a total nightmare. Her physicians said she had dementia but I was skeptical. I finally got a consultation with a geriatric psychiatrist while she was hospitalized with aspiration pneumonia.

He said many psychiatrists found it to be very effective with sundowners. They started with mgm at 3pm and mgm at bedtime. After about a week she would get just a tad confused BUT she slept through the night. Before I was getting up literally every hrs with her and had to try to orient her which was pretty much impossible. None of her other specialists hematologist, rheumatologist had heard of the usage of Gabapentin for sundowners.

I had to convince everyone even the nurses and hospitalist that it was an off label usage for sundowners. When she was hospitalized and at a rehab center when she cracked two ribs , the staff would omit giving her the Gabapentin because they insisted it was only used for neuralgia and pain so each time I would have to argue that it WAS being used for sundowners. HOPE this helps. You may have to argue with his internal medicine doc but as I said, it was like a gift from God and we got our mother back.

Thank you so much for your advice. I am currently sitting in hospital watching my mom sleep. She had another TIA last night.

Publication Overview

This is the 4th one in 3 years. She is 82 and I am currently staying with her at home. Tonight she was lost. Saying things that made no sense.. Reading this and many other stories have brought her behaviors into a new light. I definitely will look into the Gabapentin.. I pray every day yo have more patience. Post surgery confusion is common in healthy individuals and seems to be more so in elderly. If your father-in-law already had a clinical diagnosis of dementia, it is not a surprise that he is experiencing these symptoms.

Anesthesia fog seems to last much longer for dementia patients. Loss of cognitive ability post surgery is common and may or may not be recovered to some if any degree. All of these are risk factors of anesthesia and dementia patients. A low dose of anti-anxiety medication can also be helpful.


  • The Society of Saint Philip of the Screwdriver (Gazette Singles Book 6).
  • a concise guide to caring for an elderly parent Manual!
  • The Senators Dark Desires?
  • Caregiver Help Desk – It’s Free!.
  • A Concise Guide to Caring for an Elderly Parent;
  • Karate School Start Up Sample Business Plan NEW!.

We found when mother had hip replacement surgery that her disorientation was the underlying cause of agitation and aggression, also aggravated by a UTI, which the hospital staff totally dismissed as being post surgery bloody urine. I had to demand UTI testing! Often moving swiftly to have the more common issues investigated is essential in not requiring another move to a rehab facility as determined by insurance limitations. Check the obvious first. Understand the risks going in, mainly that any anesthesia may cause a serious loss of cognitive ability that may or may not be recovered.

Prepare to aid the patient in orientation during their stay in any unfamiliar surroundings with familiar things from home and someone familiar with them, especially at night. Advocate for a post surgery plan that avoids a second transfer to another location if at all possible, as that will very likely worsen confusion, agitation and impeded recovery from the surgery.

Know your benefits: Financial help for dementia care

We have determined that mother will not have any more surgeries. She signed a living will and we believe her intent at that time, when she called for no extraneous measures be taken to preserve her life would include surgeries that could leave her in a vegetative state. My father has the same symptoms. And is very unsettling and even scary when your own father is acting so crazy and has to be restrained. That has happened to me and at least two or three times. When he was extremely agitated I put my iPhone earbuds in his ears and played him some beautiful harmonic music, singing and that helped a lot but he did not even remember the music or any of it the next morning.

My FIL did similar after his tkr. Fortunately, good doctor patiently explained same thing. The behavior lessened and stopped by time released for rehab center. My FIL had moments of remembering his hallucinations and that sort of helped with brining him back to the present. Take care. My 94 year old mom who lives with us began complaining of left side pains getting in an out of bed with screams like she is dying.

Xrays and doctor exam revealed nothing. One night she was screaming because she thought she was falling out of bed, but was not. Last night screams got worse every 30 minutes for 4 hours and then stopped. She could not remember any of it. Also wet herself in bed for first time in one year. We think she is screaming in her sleep. It is keeping entire household from sleeping, because screams are very loud like she is dying.

Do not know what to do. Going to try having her sleep sitting in a chair which she did for several years when living on her own. If sundowners syndrome, I wonder if leaving a light on all night will help. Hi Jimmy, I can hear the stress. If it is Sundowners, and it does sound like it, it will not go away in a chair. She can not help it. They are worse than night mares. She may believe someone is trying to kill her, or stabbed her, falling off a building. Then when you walk in, the mind jumps, and she has no recollection of the sounds she has made.

See a neurologist for medicine. It is not depression, it is hallucinations. But, you need to see a doctor for the actual diagnosis. Help her.

Read some of the old post, and see what meds might help. Has your mother had shingles from earlier chicken pox? Shingles after-pain will cause them to scream. There is a drug for the nerve ending pain of shingles that will immediately stop that. My 96yo old mother had the same issues. She lived with us and we were getting up every hrs. She was diagnosed with dementia by her internist and given everything from Ativan, Seroquel, antidepressant and antipsychotics. Finally I got a geriatric pscyh consult. He prescribed Gabapentin mgm at 3pm and mgm at bedtime. Within a week she was her old self and sleeping through the night which meant WE could get some sleep as well.

I had to convince each of them that it was prescribed by a geriatric psychiatrist a well lauded I might add geriatric psychiatrist. My dear mother passed away a few months ago but we had the sharp, sweet person that she was back with us after the Gabapentin. It was a life saver for both my mother and my family. HOPE that helps. The emts said he had a better heart rate and blood oressure and breathing percentage than I did, because I was worried to death. He also gets very confused at night time sometimes not recognizing his own house.

During the day however he talks on the telephone to several people and talks about things that has happened years ago up until what has happened today. He is likely confabulating to some degree in his phone conversations during the day. This recalling activity is comforting for the patient, as their loss of independence and need for assistance in daily decision making becomes more evident. His nighttime is more insightful into his level of confusion and an indication that he needs support in having soothing structured evenings, limited stimulations including TV, and perhaps medication to assist in decreasing anxiety in small doses to begin.

Focus on vascular health to improve his chances of maintaining what cognitive functioning he has and consider supplementing with magnesium to act as a healthy anti-inflammatory which can lessen his symptoms. Most people are magnesium deficient. This is like my husband, with Frontal Lobe Dementia. Had him taken several times this last two months. Last night I was able to get him calmer, as he had slapped me once before.

I laid down with him and said he was having a panic attack. Has new neurologist and new meds; moving to nursing center this next week for moderating of meds. My mother now experiencing. Leaving lights on helps and doctor prescribed anti agitation medicine, which calms her and helps her sleep. Started with the phantom pain in side.

That gone, but night terrors like a light switch when the sun goes down. Can anyone out there give some help? Hi Bob, Yes , this often comes on after surgery if they are older. My mom used to have them, my sister and I were the only ones who could tell she had had one.


  • Huia Short Stories 9!
  • Top Health Care Books, Journals & Apps | Springer Publishing Company.
  • Changed for Her Pleasure (Gender Swap Erotic Romance);
  • Sundowner’s Syndrome.
  • Search form.

There is no major sign. However, usually once they have it, I have not read where it goes away. There are some ideas on here, in how to live with it. We are here if you have questions. I am so sorry that your family is having to go through this. What to Do for a Person You Suspect of Sundowning Possessing a clear understanding of what a person is going through will go a long way to preparing your mind and body for a healthy response.

Gerontologists recommend staying calm and reassuring to convey a sense of peace and tranquility. Suggest a soothing drink or a nap to help restore balance. Close drapes or shades late in the day, and divert attention from clocks and watches. Involve the sundowner in a favorite structured activity. When all therapies have been exhausted, turn to oral medicines, patches and other chemical therapies being fast tracked by medical researchers. My nearly 91 yo father has been experiencing anxiety in the late afternoons and through the night. He takes aricept and many other meds for other health conditions, primarily heart and diabetes related.

He absolutely hates that alarm and often gets up on his own anyway! He wants to be more independent! He also takes Remeron for depression. Last night, he threatened to hit a nurse. This is not like him! He has always suffered some depression during winter SAD because he was limited in what he was able to do. This has been a noticeable decline recently.

Any suggestions? Thank you to all who offered me adivce on this website. My dad passed away on May 10th. He had suffered from aspiration pneumonia and once he got into the hospital he never improved. We removed him from the hospital and he died in his home with his care giver 3 days later. It was a blessing. I wish all of you good luck with your situations.

And Bob… you just posted regarding your dad getting Sundowner symptoms after surgery…. We are seeing incresed suspicious instances of anesthesia and morphine put together in the surgery situations and, bam! I would think at some point, someone would begin to be suspicious. However, most of the medical people we dealt with were not especially curious about anything. We often found the Dr. I know that sounds really pathetic, but it is true.

I found out about the 36Hr. Anyway, thank you all again. Linda T. Linda — my Dad was on morphine for a few days after the surgery. They replaced that with oxycodone combined with Tylenol for another few days, and Haldol at night for sleep. Most recently his pneumonia is not getting better or worse and he is having trouble swallowing food so he is being tube fed and has been placed back on the morphine pump with like a minute timer. Next couple days he was delusional and not staying awake. I do not beleive in coincidences. Something happened to him during procedure.

Linda, my father is 83 he had been taking oxycodone 4 times a day for about 6 months for his neck pain. Before that he had never taken anything stronger than a Goody powder. He was given morophine after surgery then percocet, hydrocodone, and God knows what all. Its going on 2 weeks and he is in ICU on a respirator and feeding tube. His lungs are having to be cleared everyday from all the flem. But they have changed him to Fentyl now he is starting to come out of the medicine induced accoma and has a look in his eyes like he doesnt know any of his family.

He doesnt even squeeze our hand when we ask him to while holding it. He wont even let my mom touch or pick at him like he used to love her doing. Im scared he isnt going to come out of this after taking the oxycodone for so long then the anthestia mixture. I am so pleased that i found this website today! I have been feeling very depressed and guilty, because I did not understand what was happening to my dad. Looking back, I realise that my dad already had sundowners, although it was not so bad yet, just bad dreams and hallucinations, with very little sleep.

Being sleepless was and is normal for my dad, as he has always slept very little. I had better explain my dad a bit more, than maybe you will understand a bit better why I feel the way that I do. She was not even allowed to choose the colour floor tiles she wanted in her kitchen! My mom raised five children, worked basically like a slave all her married life in the house and had to do everything for my dad.

He could be sitting in the kitchen, having supper, just in front of the fridge, and if he wanted something, he gave the order, and she had to stop eating, get up, and take it out of the fridge which was a foot behind him. I am the eldest of five, and the only daughter, and I can remember how my poor brother was treated. My mother would try to intervene, and it just made it worse. He was never physically violent to wards to my mother, but was verbally abusive if he did not get his way. My three younger brothers managed to get away without too much mental damage, as he concentrated on his oldest boy.

As the years went by, I got married to a wonderful man, soft and gentle, the total opposite to my father. He has also caused that I am very defensive, and will not keep my mouth shut if I feel that I am being verbally attacked, which fortunately for me, my husband understands.

FAQs · ZaggoCare

Anyway, to cut a long story short, just shortly after my parents moved in, they were both diagnosed with cancer, my mother with colon cancer and my dad with prostrate cancer. My mother had a portion of her colon removed, and started chemo, but had to stop as it was affecting her heart badly. My dad had an orchidectomy.

My parents were very young at this stage, just 70 and 71 respectively. My parents moved into their cottage on our property, and I would go in every day to check on them, take them shopping, library, etc. I worked from home, and according to my dad, I was available at all times for them, so he could not care whether I was in the middle of a job, if he wanted something, I had to get up immediately and do what he wanted, there and then!

It caused quite a few arguments! My mother was finally starting to fight back, and refusing to bow down to my dad all the time, but it was too late. All it caused was that my dad was just horribly confused by her reaction. My dad was quite together, with only mild sundown syndrome symptoms at night. It all changed in October last year, when my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer — colon, liver, lungs, spine and lymph system. The night after we told my dad what was happening, he started with very bad sundown syndrome — which in a way I understand, for it was a huge shock for him.

But at the same time, in stead of being there for my mom, placing her first and supporting her as much as he could, he just gave up and became totally dependant on her. He also became both verbally and physically abusive towards her, and I had to seperate them. I was eventually totally exhausted, as I was nursing my mom day and night, and also having to try and keep my dad calm and contained.

That stopped the day I caught him hitting her, because she would not get up and help him dress! My mother was the entire spill of our family life, and she was more than my mother — she was my best friend, my sister, my everything! I adored her! I love my dad, but not in the same way as I loved my mom. There was no way on this earth that I was going to allow my dad to mistreat my mother even more. It was becoming extremely stressfull at home! My mom eventually passed away on 28 February this year, and my dad has just completely regressed, showing all the symptoms that are discussed on the blogs here.

We kept our day carer, and she has been an absolute treasure, helping to keep me sane! She works during the week, and we have just this weekend hired another nurse to take care of my dad on Saturdays and Sundays, while I take over at nights. My dad is on various types of medications, including 3 different tranquilizers and 2 sleeping tablets at night. He complains of terrible pain in his left shoulder, but xrays do not show anything wrong.

He is constantly trying to get up, still does not sleep, in spite of all the medication, will insist of trying to walk, even without a walker, undresses himself at night, is verbally abusive, and last night, for the first time in a few months, tried to hit me! I have had enough! I am struggling to get him into a home, because they are not all equipped to take care of him, and there are huge waiting lists here in South Africa.

Also my dad never wanted to listen to anyone about making provision for his old age, so all he has is the proceeds from the sale of his house and a tiny little government pension. He has given my brothers a huge part of the money he got for his house, and now so little is left that my husband and I are going to pay a lot towards frail care once I am able to get him into a home. I am stressed, exhausted, cannot forgive my dad! I also feel devastated that I feel this way, which just makes things worse. Michelle, I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your dear mom. She sounded like an angel leashed to a demon, sadly.

First of all, you are NOT wrong for having had enough and being mad at your dad. Please know this. There are limits to what we can do for our loved ones when they get to a certain stage which in my opinion your dad is way past, and is lucky he got to stay with you as long as he did!

My dad also did the naked angry violent up at night blablabla stuff. I understand the difficulty of placing your dad and finding a home for him. Violent men are the most difficult, since no one wants to take a chance on them. Too much liability, I guess. Same in the USA. The only thing that got us through was the Lord.

I was way in over my head and could only take one step at a time each day. Jesus was with me the whole time and took me through each step. They helped me in countless ways. I hope they can place him soon, that will be a lot better for you. May I ask how long he is expected to live, if they have given you a timeframe?

You are not a bad person or daughter. You can stop the guilty feelings.